


How the light catches on his lips

by leedonghaes



Category: Super Junior, Super Junior-M
Genre: AU, Ableist Language, Alternate Universe - High School, High School, M/M, Suicide Attempt, death mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 16:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5381372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leedonghaes/pseuds/leedonghaes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it’s high school—the world’s far away and soft lips glitter as they meet. you fall in love with the skyline and text messages say “i love u.” your teachers scowl at you and the light catches your reflection as the smirk creeps up your face. recess means the corridors echo with loud screams of freedom and hunger and an hour’s break from dusty chairs and cold desktops. and the words line up the pages, line up like the kids waiting to leave, and eat, and relieve themselves and buy things and get places and— and you put sparkles under your eyes and studs in your ears. books in your bag and a hope in your heart. and you text back “you too,” because you know you’ll never have this again. </p><p>In which Siwon goes to a too-strict High School and Zhou Mi's student council President of the famous Fortress of Learning who doesn't take anything seriously and hates his own guts. Their schools have an exchange trip and Siwon steps into Zhou Mi's morass of mistakes and lies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How the light catches on his lips

it’s high school—the world’s far away and soft lips glitter as they meet. you fall in love with the skyline and text messages say “i love u.” your teachers scowl at you and the light catches your reflection as the smirk creeps up your face. recess means the corridors echo with loud screams of freedom and hunger and an hour’s break from dusty chairs and cold desktops. and the words line up the pages, line up like the kids waiting to leave, and eat, and relieve themselves and buy things and get places and— and you put sparkles under your eyes and studs in your ears. books in your bag and a hope in your heart. and you text back “you too,” because you know you’ll never have this again. 

the exchange trip never really excited siwon, but the closer they got to the building, the more he thought about this. the professor leads them with a practised step and a strict hand. the annual exchange programme between his school and the fortress of learning was as good a time as any to start defecting from school rules. years of exchanges had only taught his professors that much. 

the magic of the trip is how different their schools are. he knows for sure that he’s memorised a hundred school rules, and that’s not all of them, but here is just— free will and a lot of guts. for a school of nutters bound by no rules, the fortress was actually quite well known and respected. siwon bounced back a multitude of praise for even just specific parts of this academy. “great art” and “stunning” and “captivating” just about summed the place up.

the place was actually quite fresh, for something called a fortress. windows opened up to balconies opened up to neon lights and the city skyline. the clocks didn’t have bodies and were parts of the walls, and the doors swung in every direction. siwon loves this place already. he looks at his best friend henry and he knows he likes it too. henry’s eyes are sparkling and his hands tug at his own sleeves and siwon wants to cup his face into his hands. yes, henry’s enjoying too.

talk around in his own school has told siwon that his professors actually let loose a bit here. the thought sends quivers to his heart— his teachers were overbearing at best, in normal circumstances. he was looking forward to the release of the steel grips. later siwon’s schoolmates will prove they can have fun too, but that’s later.

“i’ll be showing you around,” is all siwon hears when he sees zhou mi and oh god, he’s beautiful and siwon can’t take his eyes off how the light catches on zhou mi's lips or how he looks at all of them like they’re his best friends. zhou mi’s all crop tops and too-long legs and ripped jeans too ripped they were barely there, and siwon bit his lips because dear god, he’s just trying to get through the trip. 

everyone else is looking at zhou mi the same. he has a charm and well— the glitter on his eyelids isn’t hard to miss. siwon’s worried that he’s staring. too mesmerised. the city cliches are now catching up to him. but he can’t help it. anyway, zhou mi seems to be basking in the attention. he looks like neon lights and skyscrapers and rude tourists. when he speaks he sounds like the tinkling of glass or a very, very loud bus. siwon can’t decide. he doesn’t know if he wants to.

he also can’t decide whether he prefers the eyelids reflecting sparkles into his eyes, or the lips. he can’t decide whether he prefers zhou mi saying “i love you” or “fuck off”. he can’t decide whether he prefers zhou mi’s first or last name. with zhou mi it was all “or”s and “what about”s. somehow that seemed okay. siwon tells himself this as he replies "maybe" to a text asking him out, and places his phone under the pillow wishing maybe he’d dream about zhou mi.

it’s definitely a no when he wakes up on tuesday morning and he’s running, running to the hospital. someone jumped off the 3rd storey and fuck, it’s zhou mi. siwon thinks about that “maybe” last night and squeezes his eyes shut a little too tight. everyone’s running the same direction and for once, siwon knows zhou mi wouldn’t tell him to stray from the pack. liar, he thinks as he opens the door and his heart just crumbles because fuck, it really is zhou mi. idiot, he thinks again. couldn’t he have jumped from a place where he was sure he would definitely die?

and he’s all bruised lips and swollen eyes that won’t fully open. the hospital gown doesn’t fit and it hangs around all the wrong places. siwon can’t look at him, but zhou mi wants him to and siwon knows it too. look at me, he’s saying. he’s laughing, saying he was too lazy even to climb a bit higher. but it breaks siwon’s heart so he runs out the door because zhou mi was also the one who told him not to listen to stupid people. and god, zhou mi is so stupid, but siwon wants to cuddle into his chest and tell him everything will be fine.

fast forward a few weeks and siwon overhears a conversation in an unused classroom. and zhou mi tells henry to not follow the pack and says don’t listen to stupid people, and henry says i love you and zhou mi says i know. siwon says it with him because that’s what he said to siwon too and of course siwon replied the same way. and siwon rips up his doodles and deletes zhou mi’s messages because he deserves it. that bastard should have just died.

and siwon realises he’s talking different. has been ever since he fell in love with zhou mi. and he tries again. 

no, tried again. past tense. siwon preferred past tense. for zhou mi, everything happens. he makes it up as he goes. but siwon was different. planned tactics and revision notes and what-not. but if zhou mi wasn’t even going to keep their conversations original, siwon was going to keep the way he spoke, thanks. he couldn’t believe he had been played for a fool.

so when he said goodbye to zhou mi, he didn’t see the glitter eyeshadows or the lip gloss reflecting light. he didn’t hear the raspy laughter or the feigned words of affection. he left with his heads held high and not as amazed by the trip as any of his classmates were.

what was the magic of the trip that impressed his other schoolmates so? did they all have a zhou mi, teasing them into the shadows and pulling lines on them? or were they all just cruising with the flow, in love with the skyline and the freedom? siwon sighed. at least henry enjoyed it.

weeks later, he got a text from an unknown number. zhou mi— siwon had naturally deleted his number. it said “sorry” and siwon knew zhou mi had finally figured out what was wrong.

and siwon replied “i don’t care”, and he doesn’t know why, because sure zhou mi is as stupid a person as they come, but he isn’t horrible. he’s all ripped jeans and fake smiles and drunk texts in the middle of the night. he’s glitter eyelids and broken limbs and hospital gowns and god, he’s still everything siwon wants. and siwon realises that... maybe it’s horrible to think so, but the next time zhou mi jumps, siwon wants to be on his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a strange drabble I wrote in the middle of the night about an AU too long to explain here. Sorry if it doesn't make sense. I wrote it at 5 a.m.


End file.
